Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize