So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize