20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have a pirate flag
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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