My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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