do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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