i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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