There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
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i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
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I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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