This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Pooping to opera.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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