i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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