omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize