If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
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he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
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Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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