Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
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she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
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when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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