How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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