this just has baby written all over it
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
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He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
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Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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