i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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