Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize