i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
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it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
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WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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