Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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