stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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