Me. At least after what I've been through.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
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Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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