Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
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Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
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No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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