What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
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Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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