the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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