I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize