I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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