what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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