im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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