But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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