Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize