I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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