I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize