shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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