i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize