tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
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If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
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We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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