I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
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Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
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The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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