What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
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drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
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Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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