There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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