Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize