Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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