I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
There are leaves in my underwear?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize