no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
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Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
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I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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