Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize