I want to have your abortion
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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