I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My first STD was from a foam party
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize