The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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