ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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