you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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