if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
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Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
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I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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