i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize