when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
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I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
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orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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